the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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