I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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