Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
