That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
we're chasing vodka with high fives
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
