I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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