Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
