on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
