It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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