You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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