Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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