Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
