oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
a search helicopter?!
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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