I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
