does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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