hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize