i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Randomize
