I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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