I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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