was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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