First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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