It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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