can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Thank you for not boning my boss.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
