: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
