marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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