What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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