Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
