just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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