Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
she told me i tasted like america
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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