I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
