also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
