Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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