I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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