How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
