oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
