Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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