would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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