idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
