Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
