Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
