I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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