i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
