the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
