Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
