I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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