You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
