I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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