i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
