you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
