I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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