I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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