i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
