She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
