We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
i now understand why vodka
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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