Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
