There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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