hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Randomize
