My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize