these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
