Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
