I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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