dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
