Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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