You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
