She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize