We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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