big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
