a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
