he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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