I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
