So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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