he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
