So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
