grandma shit on top of the toilet
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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