so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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