i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
