Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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