If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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