Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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