I'm jealous of your bromance
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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