i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
